Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Random Thoughts

I was ... interested at first when everything started. Sure, admittedly I felt guilty of being a rebound. I wanted you to search whether or not this is what you truly felt but things led to another and now we're here.

Over time, I've gotten to know you better, know your life, your surroundings and what makes you ... you. I sympathize with you and understood the reasons for your mannerisms and tried to explain it to those who are uncomfortable with it.

There are a lot of thing I recently liked about you but I never really thought of what made me fall into love. I never really understood where I crossed the line but now that I'm over that line I suddenly realized there was an invisible wall... one of which I did not understand. I'm the type of guy who over analyzes everything just because I believe there's something else behind it. Love however, is a game of trust.

Did I fall in love because of her looks, charm, social status, physical attribute or her aura... Do I deserve her because of those... will I love her if she has none of it... a lot has ask about these including myself at one point but I never really saw her for those... Did I like her because of history or simply because I was the lucky one to answer her call... I still didn't know.

I... thought at some point... it was actually destiny...Ok, so it sounds cheesy but the more I think of how often we meet and see each other... I thought it was like God use a giant chessboard on my life... and the feeling got deeper as I sympathized with her, her worries, fear and anxiety.

We bonded, flirted, dated and frankly a whole lot more... we talked about what should we do, what would we do, how should we do it, how long till something ... etc. I was happy that as much I was worried about you, you felt the same.

So... where am I now... Now, I don't care about what I just said above because in me, I just want to be beside her even if it hurts because for me it makes me feel content. I will not do those "I will die for you" nor "You are my everything" but I feel as though she is a truly important piece of my life that I don't know how much she will affect me nor how much of me will truly change but I gambled to find a deep, understanding and a mutual connection and the girl was just a bonus.

I ... love you.... for whatever reason... because as much as you don't want me to leave, I never want to leave you. Even while writing this, I only thought of you....

Friday, March 19, 2010


Friends are really awesome in many ways that I'd like to elaborate one at a time. However, there is a fine line between friends and real friends. Real friends are well...

They save you a lot of time in deep shit
Sometimes when the world gets too much, friends can provide a small amount of comfort, relief, a fresh getaway from the norm of society

The stuff you normally can't talk in front of parents, you can tell them
Let's face it, as we grow up we realize there's a bunch of stuff we can't really talk about with parents unless we have a desire to hear the whole "I've been there already and you're just headed there. Follow my advice and you'll turn out just right" speech. Most of the time, we find it easier to tell it to our peers whether to be judged, to socialize or to simply have fun.

They are the voice of reason when your not and they are the comic relief when it's their turn to lose reason.
Friends give each other relief whether it's school, work, relations, family, enemies or any other form of problems. You as a friend lean on them when you need them most and the will tell you to get back up and vice versa. Though as a real friend, you only support but let the find their own path.

They are the worst enemies and best allies you will ever have.
Bonding will make you close but sometimes friends can sometimes be rivals whether be relation, sport, work, etc. As you know mostly about a person, that person learns more also about you. Sometimes, to drive yourself further is the same as having your best friend be the worst enemy you have.

They are the ones who bitch slap you back to reality
It's a pain. Love, hate, greed, lust, success, etc. All those raw emotions send you into an unbelievable high that makes you feel indestructible. Before everything else crashes and burns, it usually the closest friend that reminds you you're human. I'm not saying nor implying about not thinking ahead but rather sometimes when everything seems perfect for you, he'll remind you of the other perspective.

They are the last to give up on you
If your family, society and even yourself included have given up when thinking that everything is over and that nothing else is left for you, they will remind you that you still have friends who believe in you whether you yourself have stopped.

and lastly...
They are the ones who how to love.
I'm not saying you'll fall in love immediately with an opposite sex type best friend but point is if ever, despite breaking up and everything, a true friend will see past through the relation and will simply go back to being friends if things do not turn out the way you expect. They way of their thinking is "They have someone better for them" if it fails as opposed to "I know there will be someone better for me" as the reason things did not work out.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I can care...

I can care...

less about you feel

less about you think

less about you say

less about you do

less about you want

because I love you,...

when you look at me, you tell me everything what you feel.

when you hold me or touch me, I already know what your thinking.

when you speak, I know I have to understand and just believe and read between the lines later on.

when you do something, I know you will do the right thing.

when you want something regardless of what it may be, I'll support it all the way so long as your happy with it at the bottom of your heart.

Friday, March 5, 2010

A Slice of Life

This following may contain language not suitable for younger audience. This will be rated as for 16+

I got a sermon about drinking too much and it got me thinking or one of the phrases. Dad told me the measure of how much trouble I am is by the amount of bad things I've done. Thing was looking back at it, Uncle Allan (who is my mom's brother) drank 4 times what I could have and tells me to drink more. Admittedly, it was my fault that I drank but for some reason, it's always the less experienced fault.

Now, Uncle Allan or Bobet(as I and what my cousins call him) told us a few interesting things about the way we should live our life:

1.) "Plan the future fine but remember tomorrow is a lot more important than what is to come one year later."

Bobet explains about having to live our lives scheduled never works out. A life's goal isn't bad so long as we never lose sight of what is to happen tomorrow or at best the day after tomorrow. I argued about what about setting goals to be motivated but he countered it by saying so we schedule, then the day before you scheduled meeting; you get run over by a car. It made sense while at the same time, I just got more confused. He tells me that for him, the 1st choice that he makes at the start of the day is "what's the plan for tomorrow" or "Think of a plan about tomorrow for my yearly plan". We have a choice and usually we the whole reason we delay some problems is that instead of living each day as our last, we tend to view it as there's always a tomorrow.

2.) "I fuck around hoping to find a woman who has a horizontal opening rather than the usual vertical."

My 1st reaction was .... headdesk. I just laughed when he told me that and said that what he was looking for probably never existed or he will never find it. Thing was Bobet said that if that is his quest, who are we to judge. If he's looking for that extra-out-of-this-world woman, who are we to say that he should change his dream. He also told me that aren't I looking for that one extra-out-of-this-world that is not some random vegetable always saying yes dear. As much as I wanted to argue, I found that I couldn't.

3.)"In this business, people will talk to you more when you have a bottle in you because nowadays people when drunk tend to be more honest."

I wanted to say that was obvious when he countered saying that I was already looking at a person who is still sane despite downing 4 cases worth of Stallion Red Horse meaning even if a person drinks it's still possible that there's a bunch of hidden truths. Not that he's telling me to pry into people's business but makes me remember. Even honestly is something short lived.

4.)" I smoke and you friend smokes therefore you can smoke but if I catch you smoking after that I will beat the fuck out of you"

I asked about the whole... "what's the point of not smoking versus 2nd hand smoking questions".
I asked all of it. Conclusion, smoke if going to hang out with a bunch of smokers. Less damage to your lungs. So where am I getting here, the thing was Bobet tells me to smoke and not to smoke are both my choice and that even hanging out with smokers is also my initial choice. The result of our lives is not caused by whatever circumstances that God made. It's a simple choice game and only blame ourselves for what ever happens to us. Being born, no choice but everything else our choice including death.

I did learn a few things but if I were to live my life believing in that philosophy, I guess I'd end up like my uncle. Though he's probably hate me by even considering copying him. He keeps telling all of us (me and my cousins) that we are who we are and no amount of bullshit stereotype should even affect us since it's their view and not yours.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Concerns that started from class

Existentialism seem very ideal, to live life as though everyday could be the last. To b free and yet to live life by the result of the choices you made where the person responsible where you ended up is you. I wanted to see of there were certain things in life that you have no control over aside from your birth and realizes that the simple answer to that was no. We are completely in control of our lives and that we just do not realize it. I thought about love and realized something about it in accordance to the philosophy.

Love nowadays is very biased. We give love a reason where there shouldn't be any. If a person falls in love, it is because they are in love and not because of looks, money, or any fancy item they have. To see the difference of having the choice of being in love of not being in love instead of I'll love him or her because of some unreasonable... reason.

There's a lot of stuff that drifted through my mind after thinking about love in a philosophical manner and I'll list them.

1.) Jealousy and hate, regardless of how they are negative in nature, can be a proof of love to a certain degree and there is a fine line between them and not caring at all. To not care is to say that there is an absence of love for that particular person or object.

2.)Arguing against one another is another form of love as one tries to express their concerns about that person though some admittedly will lead towards a more subjective view rather than a more objective point of view.

3.) The one who is subjected to a lot of abuse is the one who has the more compassion as that person is constantly enduring and patient. Compassion while it may blind some people towards the truth also causes mutual understanding as well.

4.) For a person to never waver in his decision yet to be complete unbiased and at the same time takes into account what the other person is worth and sees the person as a whole and not just what makes up all of the worldly gains that person achieved or gained throughout.

5.) Being sorry can also mean that they prefer the relation over their ego and that in some sense is a good thing but in reality sorry is not meant as to be only said but done. A proof of sincere apology is through ironically a trial period of absence of love as compare to actions as even that can be deceived. Time can heal all wounds but humility is something even time has yet to cure.

6.)Choosing who to love is two sided, both must consent to it otherwise there will only have a continuous longing. While patience has it's virtue, timing and choosing the timing are factors that people do not see. Same principle goes to those fixing relationships as a bad timing is a choice of both and vice versa.

7.)Lastly, Caring about another person is relative as much as not caring. The amount of care that is shown to you is that person's choice due to the amount of care you've shown due to your choices. If there is a relationship that suddenly blows up in your face because you did not expect it not to work out, it is the cause of both you choices whichever might overlap the other one.

For a person to live their life like this, I believe, has already seen one side of what it truly means to be in love. As for me, I've yet to start and after thinking about it, I can now strongly say that I have yet to both live and love.